Want To Get Paid Thousands Of Dollars Just By Going To Amazing Steak Dinners?

Great! All it takes is tens or hundreds of hours of submitting appealing welcome messages to men 30-40 years your senior and hoping they even answer you back. Then you have to maintain conversations with them for several days until you can both find a time where your schedules align. You set up a date with them and you’re so excited – you’re about to meet your very first sugar daddy!

On the day of, you spend at least an hour shaving, doing your hair, perfecting your makeup, and painting your nails. There’s always the possibility that he could cancel last-minute, claiming business at work or cold feet, leaving you in all your gorgeousness with nothing to do. Or he doesn’t cancel and you drive to your date practically bouncing in your seat, only to sit in a booth for ten extra minutes because he’s late. Oh, and he’s probably balding, wearing an ill-fitting button-down shirt, and panting both for being late and because he’s grossly turned on by your appearance.

Then you fake fascination with all his stories, many of which are likely made up, while you munch on grilled artichokes and creamy chicken piccata (the food, so far, is the best part of the evening). He’s going to ask you what your favorite position is in bed and whether you like giving or receiving oral (or both) at the dinner table, right within earshot of the tired-looking family in the next booth over. You have to deflect all his explicit questions while maintaining an air of allure and interest, never faltering, because you yourself have turned into a product.

At the end of the night he’ll push a couple hundred bucks into your hand, but that’s only if you’ve negotiated first-date compensation prior to meeting, and only if he feels you’ve “done a good job” at being his arm candy for the evening. You go home with crumpled bills in your purse and read on tumblr about all the sugar babies being handed fat checks and rose gold iPhones on their first dates, and you wonder what you did wrong – and then you go to bed, making sure you get enough rest to do it all over again the next day.